im seriously trying to think positively and stay focus. im very x10 scared & worried, though i havent been putting enough effort to offset my woes, all because i started studyg too late. 2 wks before As and i was hoping for a miracle. what was i thinkg. and now i think im on the right track to being king lear- losing my identity, going crazy and dying due to overwhelming grief (due to bad results) im a fortune teller(ft) and i can predict that im gg to do so god damn badly for my exams tt instead of straight As im gg to get straight Es. ok it doesnt help when some ppl doubt tt im mugging secretly. it doesnt bother me anw. now the big question is am i gg to retake as a private candidate next yr, retake in jj, go to australia/sim/smu? i think the last choice is can be ignored cause i dont want to burden my mom with the inflated costs and plus she keeps reiterating tt she would be a millionaire, had she not had children. and it doesnt help too that the papers ytd or ytd's ytd published tt raising a child is 1/4 of a million. oh wow. and i still get so much pocket money when i dont even go out. ok im a blood sucker. and now i think me gettg into a jc is pure luck, when i studied very vaguely for the Os and yet im here, gg to sit for the exams in 2 days time. god 2 days! pls give me a sign if i still can make it. i always tell myself tt if i complete a random freecell game, it means tt god is tellg me tt i still have time. but shit, most of the time i fail to complete and me being me refuse to acknowledge tt and i'll restart the damn game until i complete it and by the time im satisfied, i realised ive just wasted an hour. and when i force myself to quit the game, this box had to come out to confirm if i really wanted to resign from it. and so guess what, i clicked no and man i just went on. i keep tellg my mum tt im gg to die and she say wont die, at most retake. oh man retaking is such a big blow to my ego and i cant accept failures. see, and im here blogging instead of trying to rectify this f problem. im a pig and i need to slp for more than 12 hrs so by the time i wake up its alr in the afternn and what the hell do i do? i eat ice cream, watch tv, play freecell, listen to songs, read the papers, walk here and there, talk to boy. and then i when its time to change the 3 to 2 i realised tt holy shit, a day has passed so quickly. ok so ytd i went to study with violet and we wasted lyk 2 hrs switchg frm wm mac to yuhua mac and to my hse cause the environment isnt condusive and so we were at my hse, being blog-cum-friendster stalkers and talkg and eating and playg donkey.ok she managed a topic of physics while i went through 3 gp qns. THREE. hahahaha. and then we went out for "supper" at 11 and when i just sat on the couch watchg tv until 3. so im here waiting to die oh man i think i shld slap myself and wake up. im battling inner demons here. im lacking the stamina to carry on. ok this doesnt sound lyk me.